My mom....the fighter

This one is for you mom........

Dear mom,

It has been more than two years since we last spoken to each other. I know, its sounds odd and out of the normality. But i'm not sorry that i've left. People who didnt know our situation, thinks that i'm ungratefull, for doing this, but as i said....they didn't know.It for the best of both of us.

Mom,

Before this, i can hardly have anything positive to say about u. My close and dearest frenz knew that its very rare for me to talk about u. I've never even mention your name. There's only anger and dissapointment when i think about you. Am i that bad mom? Still i'm not sorry bout this. I'm not sorry being me. Perhaps, maybe because i didnt know u that well. All i know is that u are one cold hearted person, a selfish dictator who accept "no' as an answer, at any cost, u have to have what u want to have.U always want things to be the way u want things to be. And definitely some one who does not know how to show your true feeling, except your anger. I'm sorry mom, to have to say this, but u'r suffocating me and u drive me crazy. I hate myself when i'm around you mom but i hate you even more, and i was mad at you, and still is. Am i that bad mom, but still, i'm not sorry for this.

Still remember those things that u've once said to me? on the day where i was still that tiny thing who needed her mother. remember how u drove me off and remember how u dump me back then??...wait!, i doubt that!. u probably forgot that one too, the same way u forgot on which day u gave birth to me. I found it rather amusing and ridiculous mom, for u to forget that. And i bet u cant remember the things that i told u, bout what he did to me, bout how he ruined my life. But u turn away mom, u rather to look on other direction than to offer me protection, me....your daughter! Because back then, he worth more to u than i did, didn't he? And believe me mom, for that reason, i grow up being the one i am now, the one who find it too difficult to put her hope and trust on others. Alas, i doubt that u ever knew me mom, doubt that u ever know how i feel and think. Fail to see the beauty in me, like the rest of other people, who fail to see the beauty in me. i doubt lots of things mom, but who are there left to blame, you were never there for me!

But i understand mom, i really do understand why u are such a person. I knew that u've been thru a lot, and i know that u've been burden a lot too. Infact we both have been burn a lot, not by others, but by fate it self. I agreed that fate had rarely been kind to us mom, but deep down i know, that u are a fighter. How u fight the destiny that never been kind to you, people that never been fair to you. In fact there's lots of things that u fought till u became so obsess with fighting, and u forget on how not to fight anymore. U fight for the right to have the say as a mother but u forget on how not to fight of being a mom. U fight for what u want and what u believe, till u forget that others also have their own wants and belief. U fight to stay alive and happy, but mom, u forget that others deserves their own life and laugh too. How u fight your battle, make others trying so hard just to survived. That is why i have to leave mom. i couldn't barely breath because of u.

Yes, i have to leave you mom, as much as i hate you, i also hate to leave you. But the same blood that runs thru your veins, runs in mine too. And i hate to tell you this mom, as much as you as a fighter, i am a fighter as well, but with extra packages, i'm a survivor too, coz i have your fighting instinct and i have dad's cool laid back attitude plus my own surviving character, which make me in a way, unique!. The truth is , i'm a better fighter than u are, better than i've ever known, better than i know anyone else could ever be.

I had few flaws in my life mom, but i'm proud to tell you that i learn everytime i bleed. I know u cant understand this, coz u are the type of person that believe in punishment rather than educate. sorry to tell you this mom, like you, i'll fight my battle but unlike you, i'll win my battle and others that might come along, in my own sweet way. I'll won the battles with grace and honour, with wit and courage. i know that u've failed to do this but I'll put all our misery to an end, in my own terms. For me , for you and for my future kids.

Be patient mom, the time will come where i will survive and win this battle and come back to you, like u always wanted but never realised. Without the same hatred and anger that i still hold inside me. In a meantime, just let me go, let me fly to find my own courage, my own self and my own destiny.

From me,

Your only daughter